My Breastplate

How long can I go?
How long have I gone?
How long will it be?

With the strength of those beside me,
With the strength of those behind me,
With the strength of those before,
With the strength inside me,
Far.

It has not
Is not
And will not be easy;

But if it were
Would it be worth the:
Fight, struggle, pain and joy.

This is my breastplate,
My armour,
My reminder
That I am who I am because of where I've been.

Lost, Long, Last

Wonderings, clearing, cobwebs and dust. Will things ever clear out in the attic that is my mind?
Stutterings, stumblings, and mumblings.
Will things ever poetically flow from my lips again?

99%

99%

“We can’t afford to hire a person of your caliber.”

“You are to experienced to work at our retail store,

Cleaning company,

Restaurant,

Medical front office

Why would you waste your skills on other job types?”

Why? Because I need to work.

My husband works 2 jobs,

Has gone to school FT for 4 years

And still we cannot make ends meet…

We are lucky to have insurance,

That doesn’t cover all of our medicines.

I have worked hard for 13 years in my industry, even when I wanted out because no one else will hire me…because I’m too qualified for other jobs.

I have been going to school to finish my degree.

At first just show my kids how important and education is, now in hopes of finding a new job with my new degree.

I now run my own business, clean houses when my “boss” calls on me, work weddings at my church, take on odd jobs, child sit overnight for friends…

Just to bring ANY extra income in.

I would watch the kids for free, just to be a friend…

I’m lucky to get unemployment; it’s what’s keeping us afloat.

Yet I know there still isn’t enough to pay all of our bills.

My in-laws and parents help us, even though they really can’t afford too.

I love them so much.

I wonder if I’ll keep food on the table.

Cook from scratch, shop using coupons, hit food pantries and go in with friends to buy in bulk.

My husband makes a lousy $500 a month to much for us to get food assistance.

My friends who do qualify receive food assistance 2 to 3 times my monthly food budget.

I’ve considered getting rid of my pets because of their food cost.

But I can’t…

My husband and I will have over 25,000 dollars in school loans…and will be educators.

I have applied to all the jobs I remotely qualify for, jobs I know they will tell me I’m to qualified for, jobs I know our “beneath” me (their words not mine). I spend 3-4 hours a day looking for work…

And STILL there are those telling me I’m not looking hard enough.

I’m afraid we won’t be able to afford to medicate ourselves, and sometimes skimp on my meds to make sure we can afford my husbands.

I’m lucky to have doctors who care enough to keep samples on hand of the meds that work for my daughter’s asthma that the insurance company won’t pay for.

I’m lucky her asthma hasn’t been life threatening.

I’m worried my son will go unmedicated because he’ll be 18, unemployed and our insurance doesn’t’ cover his meds either, and now he’s lost Medicaid because of his father’s lifestyle choices and only has my husband’s insurance to depend on.

I am a white, middle aged, married, and mother of two.  I care more about my friends and families needs than my own. I would give everything for them and much for a stranger in need.

Yet I am told I am part of this nation’s privileged elite.

Small Stone Blogsplash-we need your help...

Kaspa & Fiona have taken over my blog for today, because they
need our help.

They are both on a mission to help the world connect with the world
through writing. They are also getting married on Saturday the 18th of
June.



For their fantasy wedding present, they are asking people across the
world to write them a ‘small stone’ and post it on their blogs or on
Facebook or Twitter.



A small stone is a short piece of observational writing – simply pay
attention to something properly and then write it down. Find out more
about small stones here.




If you’re willing to help, we’d love you to do things:




1) Re-post this blog on your own blog any time before June the 18th and
give your readers a chance to hear about what we’re doing. You can
simply copy and paste the text, or you can find the html
here.




2) Write us a small stone on our wedding day whilst we’re saying our
vows and eating cake, post it on your blog, and send
it to us.



You can find out more about our project at our website, Wedding Small
Stones, and you can also read our blog at A River of Stones.




We also have a July challenge coming soon, when we’ll be challenging
you to notice one thing every day during July and write it down.




Thank you for listening, and we hope we’ll be returning from our
honeymoon to an inbox crammed with small stones, including yours.




Kaspa & Fiona

Canaan's cooking school

Students, today we will start our lessons in brownies from a box. There are two VERY important things to remember.

1. Do not touch the pan you just took out of the oven without a hot pad when getting ready to pour your second batch of batter in. You will burn your fingers which makes it very hard to type...
2. When using a  mix, do not forget to add the water! This makes for super chewy, yet, oddly hard brownies.
3. It's best just to make them from scratch...

So I hope everyone enjoyed the class today, and remember to lick your spoons!

I think I want to look at everyday in a new way.

I am super excited for this semester to be over, I get to take a break this summer before starting up again in the fall. It's been a difficult semester, and I am doing better in one class than I thought I would, but doing worse in a class that should have been an easy A. I know why, I honestly just forgot to do some of my work. I've never forgotten to do homework before.

My husband graduates in the fall. (YAY) Gratefully he got the student teaching placement he wanted.

Now, my friend Matt  and I were talking a few weeks ago about blogs that might actually help me draw traffic. He asked me what I am most passionate about. My answer...two things...faith and weddings. We all know there are more than enough blogs about faith; but I haven't found any really good ones about how to plan a good wedding. And since my goal is to one day become a functioning(as in making money) event coordinator, maybe this would be a good way to get my name out there. So, the question becomes do I write a series of blog post here or on Canaan's land or do I begin a whole new blog?

Input desired.
Oh, and you who do read me...THANKS!

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!

I love my life! I know it doesn't always seem like it. I know I complain about not being able to sleep, or my ankle hurting, so on and so forth; but I really do love my life. Let me count the ways:

1) My husband is awesome! He loves me, he loves our children, and he works his a*( off making our life better.

2) My son rules! For the most part when he's not experiencing the uber-emo teen crap, he's a genorous, loving brother and son. He has a heart full of compassion for everyone. He's also a WAY more talented artist than I think he realizes. And most importantly he ADORES his Mom and sister!
3) My punk-rock-goth-peace loving princess rocks my heart! She is so full of life and energy! She's creative,
and athletic! I love watching her interact with other kids, she reminds me of me and her brother. By that I mean she has a genuine desire to love EVERYONE and be friends with EVERYONE. Plus she adores her daddy and brubru!

4) I have the most amazing parents in the world. They've had it rough, and have made mistakes; but they are real and admit that they are not perfect. They want to love on everybody, and show God's love to the parentless and the needy.

5) I have 4 amazing best friends! We don't see eachother as much as we'd like, but when we are together it's like we've never been apart. These 4 girls have been through everything with me, and I hope they know how much appreciate the love and support they have given and given me.

6)I am surrrounded by an wonderful church family. Jacobs Well has been through many things with my family, and has supported us through my multiple unemployments. The leadership encourages me, and I am pumped to have Tim Keel return to us this summer!

7) Even though my bro's irritate me, and have a tendency to make bad decisions, I know they both love me.

8) My sister in law and neice are amazing new additions to my life. God has used them both to remind me of his miracles and how he delivers us from addictions, and darkness.

9)Eldaraenth! Who knew a game started in high school would have such a impact on my life. Thanks to this game I have friends all over the place. Plus I get to play make believe and dress up! Role playing is such a great stress reliever.

10) I inherited such a great group of friends from my husband! This group of guys and their wives/girlfriends have supported both of us continuously and are amazing god-parents to our children. They guys have been strong role-models for Sam and I feel they will be one of the main reasons he will turn out okay.

11) Jehovah Jireh! He is my Provider! His Grace is sufficient for me! a song from my youth, and yet speaks truth everyday in my life. Not only has he provided for me materially, but spiritually and emotionally by giving me such a amazing support system! Because of this I know I am never alone, even when I am at my darkest He makes sure I am taken care of.

So there you go! My Thank you list! This list is the reason I love my life, so whenever I complain just say,"hey, go look at your Thank you list!"